皮皮虾:【摘下面具】

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楼主 2019-06-03 10:30:21
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昨天惊悉哈佛又有一位优秀的华人孩子结束了自己的生命,这是自五月另一华人孩子跳楼自杀后的又一起悲剧。而就在十多天前,加州三谷地区一个非华裔十二年级学生也做了这么决绝的行动。震惊之余,不禁婉惜和深思。




正好晚上女儿带我去看一个关于自杀的纪录片(对,是她带我,否则我哪知道还有这么个活动?)。这个片子介绍了本市这个高中生自杀频发的重灾区所面临的问题以及人们如何应对的解决之道。片名《脱去面具(Unmasked)》喻意深刻,暗示有心理压力的孩子都带着面具,表面上根本看不出问题来。以下是影片的片花:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDCFZnhiHjM




最令人印象深刻的孩子是一个马上要走向铁轨自杀的孩子,由于天空意外下雨而受阻,却因此而改变了主意,现在生活得很好。影片因此采用了下雨作为一个象征符号,影片结尾时,在雨中人们纷纷脱下了面具。




是的,许多轻生者往往一念之差。我敢说,正是本市穿城而过的铁路的方便,使得自杀较为可行。如果那铁路改道,靠近另一城市同样学业紧张的高中,会不会又带给那所学校的头疼麻烦?


女儿上个月参加了本市安全委员会(Safety Net)的会议,会中通过了一项令人期盼的决议:本市将在铁路两侧安装一种高科技电子敏感装置,一旦有轻生者接近铁轨,该设备将有迅速反应。提供该设备的公司给本市非常优惠的条件,最初三个月免费使用。五年前事故频发后试用此设备,一年内曾阻止了五起自杀未遂事件。




影片采访了大量相关人员。最令人感动的是,那些失去孩子的父母成立了一个团队,他们聚在一起成为精神健康的有力推动者和积极活动家,比如2005年第一起自杀事件的孩子JP的母亲,她多次在公众会议上分享自己的心路历程,冀望社区能够意识到问题所在。




今年四月,正当本市再次笼罩在愁云惨雾中时,本市华人家长会捜集了 家长如何帮助孩子减压的建议,总结出以下十一条来:

1)确保孩子至少每天6小时睡眠;

2)只允许孩子因为喜欢而非同学压力而选这门AP课;

3)如果你的孩子常规性地不能在12点以前睡觉,应该退出AP课或降到低档课程;

4)课外活动主要是让孩子通过做他们喜欢的事得以从课业压力中解脱放松和学习团队精神及人际交往能力。确保孩子不是仅仅为了增色简历而非个人爱好而选择课外活动;

5)告诉孩子你爱他们本身,不是爱他们带回家的成绩。告诉他们,他们是你的命根子!告诉他们你每天都爱他们。告诉他们在他们以后漫长的生命旅程中会有更多的人爱他们;

6)告诉孩子在Palo Alto高中一个普通孩子(每学期至少一个B)将会是南加大的学习尖子。不要用这个高中的标准判断自己在世界的位置。告诉他们"你比你想象的要更联明有能力。你会在大学感觉很棒"。所以好日子就要来了;

7)带孩子出去参加爬山、露营或其它户外活动,这是减压的好方法。男孩在共同活动如车里或爬山时易于敞开心扉。睡前和餐桌上也是和孩子交流的好时机;

8)告诉孩子经历挫折和失败是好的经验,它使你对克服它并从中走出来更有经验和信心。所以拥抱挫折失败吧,因为它使你强大,不要害怕它;

9)学会从朋友、父母、老师和其他成人那里寻求帮助,这叫"有路子",高情商的重要特质。寻求帮助是聪明而非软弱的表现;

10)通过活动、宗教等方式帮助孩子找到他们的热诚,使之了解生命的目的;

11)每天至少花半小时坐在孩子边上一起做事或只是说说话。




为方便与孩子交流,以下是英文的list,感谢Debra, Amy and the PACPC team的整理:

1) Make sure your kid has AT LEAST 6 hours sleep every day.

2) Only allows your kids to take the AP class if he/she likes the subject, not for peer pressure

3) Drop AP class or downlane if your kid routinely can't go to bed by 12:00

4) Extracurricular activities are primary for kids to get relaxed from their academic stress by doing what they enjoy and learn team work and people skill. Make sure your kid does not pick extracurricular activities for boosting his resume only, not for personal enjoyment.

5) Tell your kids you love them who they are, not what grade they bring home. Tell them you love them every day. Tell them 他们是你的命根子!Tell them you love them every day. Tell them that they will be loved by more people in their long journey of life later.

6) Tell your kids the average kid in Paly (at least one "B" per semester is an academic star at USC). Don't use Paly standard to judge themselves in the world. Tell them "You are a lot smarter and capable than you think. You will feel great in college." So better time is coming.

7) Take your kids out for hiking, camping or other outdoor activities, a good way to decompress. Boys tend to open up when doing parallel activities together like in the car and hiking. Bedtime and dinner table are also the good time to talk to your kids.

8) Tell your kid it is good to experience setback and failure which gives you experience and confidence that you can overcome it and therefore become resilient. So embrace setback and failure because it makes you strong, don't be scare of it.

9) Learn to ask for help from friends, parents, teachers and other adults. It is called "Resourceful", a very important trait for high EQ individual. Ask for help is being "Smart" not being "Weak".

10) Help your kids to find their passion which gives them the purpose of their lives through activities, religion, etc.

11) Spend at least half hour everyday sitting side by side with your kid(s), doing things together or just talking.



有一句著名的话,It takes a village to raise healthy kids(教育出健康的孩子需要全村的努力),我想同样,it also takes a village to hurt the kids(伤害孩子的也来自全村的环境)。这是我们全社区应该意识到的。


让我们全都脱下面具,真实地面对世界,以内心的阳光面对这个下雨的世界。



******* 编后语 *******

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